Finishing college is a huge accomplishment. Next comes the post-college transition, which is often more difficult than expected. It can involve your grad moving back home while he looks for work or considers what’s next. After the “high” of graduation, the next chapter can feel like a letdown. He may not be happy to be home and probably misses living independently. Dealing with entrances and exits from the family system can be difficult. Here are some tips that can help your child launch, and assist if he or she decides to re-enter the nest.
• While she is in college, strongly encourage applying for part-time jobs and internships that offer work experience.
• If he moves back home, set and communicate about reasonable expectations. For example, you are unlikely to control his sleep schedule or monitor a curfew after he has lived independently. It is, however, fair to ask him to come in quietly and not make noise after 10 p.m. It’s also fair to say no to overnight guests.
• Discuss what you will and won’t pay for in terms of bills. Make it clear. If she has money saved or starts earning a paycheck, you may want your college grad to start paying for a few of her own bills, such as a cellphone bill. Make a plan to turn over more to her financially each month.
• Housing is expensive in Orange County. If he is working but living in your home, you may want to charge some small amount of rent so he can get used to paying for housing. You can even surprise him with some or all of the money back toward their first month’s rent when he launches.
• Shift old patterns. You might have provided all her groceries and done her meal prep when she was in high school, but she should do more for herself when she comes home as an adult. Examine everything you “automatically” do for you grad and consider whether she can begin taking over each task.
• Go with him to a workshop on budgeting and managing money.
• Praise and encourage resourcefulness and self-sufficiency. If she comes to you with a problem, listen reflectively and follow up by asking her what she thinks she should do to improve a concerning situation.
• Set expectations about daytime activities. If he is moving back in after college graduation, make it clear if you expect weekday daytime hours to be spent on job search activities. Be specific if daytime TV or gaming is not OK with you.
• Encourage your grad to begin networking. Help her make contacts to conduct informational interviews. Help her make a list of questions. Suggest she contacts her college career center for support, contact local alumni and get suggestions on a job campaign. Help her get set up on LinkedIn, and identify local professional organizations she could attend in her field.
• To help him get active, consider encouraging him to volunteer some hours each week while he is doing a job search. In Orange County, OneOC (oneoc.org) is a terrific organization that can help connect your grad with a variety of volunteer options.
• The transition after college is challenging and usually tough on parents and young adults. Being proactive and communicating can make this transition successful and a bit easier.
Christyn Nelson Barry is a licensed marriage and family therapist and life coach who has been in private practice in Newport Beach for more than 23 years. Contact her at christynnelson.com.
