Tantrums. Just the word strikes fear in a parent’s heart. Tantrums can be overwhelming, frustrating and downright embarrassing for parents and children. Despite the negativity surrounding tantrums, emotional outbursts are instrumental in a child’s development and help children learn how to regulate their emotions and, therefore, their overall behavior. The following strategies, if used consistently, can help decrease the frequency and intensity of the emotional overwhelm that is at the center of a tantrum.
1. The most important thing to remember is to stay cool and calm, and in doing so you will be modeling behavior for your child to imitate. Staying calm is vital to helping your child as well as yourself manage feelings of overwhelm, frustration and, yes, even embarrassment.
2. Respect your child’s need to sort through confusing and often conflicting emotions by not insisting that she stop the tantrum.
3. Avoid making eye contact and start doing something other than hovering over your child. If it’s necessary to remove him from the environment, carry him facing forward so that you are not looking at each other.
4. Inform your child that when she is finished, you can talk to her again. Stay silent until she stops the outburst. Trying to verbally “reason” with your child during an active tantrum is seldom productive for anyone. By remaining quiet you are reducing the overwhelming stimuli that your child is experiencing and focusing on your No. 1 goal of staying calm.
5. When your child has calmed down and is ready to interact with you, praise his ability to be calm as well as praising yourself for being a soothing and comforting presence in the middle of a hurricane of emotions.
Amber N. Marinoff is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works at the Child Guidance Center in Santa Ana and has a private practice in Fullerton. She has a masters degree in counseling psychology and has provided therapy for children, adolescents and parents in Orange County for the past 10 years. For more information, visit cgcoc.org
