 Asperger's, HFA, quirkiness, crazy-making behavior..whatever you want to call it...My son, the fruit of my loins, and paper in my birdcage, is not known for his patience. JBear wants everything now, now, now!
This could be part of his Asperger's, or it could be that I am a crappy mom and have never taught him to delay gratification. I am going with the first one. I mean, I can delay my gratification all of.. let's see... I have not did just eat a molten chocolate lava cake while writing without sharing.. yeah, ok, I am a crappy mom. What' ya gonna do? Sue me?
Today I had to take my daughters to their aunt's house, about 25 minutes away. In rush hour traffic. Which, as anyone who lives in Orange County and drives camps cusses in traffic knows, is really get stuck at every freakin' red light, then crawl for 15 feet at a time traffic. The only rush is to stand still. My son does not endure inactivity well. He gets bored. And, when he is bored, he has to let everyone around him know it. So, let me set the scene:
I am driving, JBug is riding up front, JBean is behind me and JBear is behind her.
Complaining. A lot. About the stupid traffic. Ad nauseum. And I stop for another  red light, probably the 457,823rd red light on the route. And from behind me comes:
"Red light, you'd better move it"
::pause::
"I mean it, I have a bazooka."
(and just where did you get that, young man??)
At this point, I am snickering, because, well, I just am. But I am trying not to call attention to it, so he will hopefully continue.
The light stays stubbornly red.
"I have a bazooka and a hand grenade. Those can do much more damage than you'd think."
I am now biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud....
The light still doesn't turn green.
"If you pulled the pin on a hand grenade and covered yourself, you'd still die, it's not like the movies."
At that point, the light got the message and turned green. Lucky for the light, because I would hate to see what would happen when JBear pulled the bazooka out.
(and maybe I would want to borrow it...)
He is the master of the non-sequitur, this kid. He keeps me in stitches. (when I don't want to kill him...)
I am absolutely never bored with my on-board entertainment
*no stoplights were harmed in this story...also? my son absolutely does not, nor has he ever had a bazooka.
awesome Far Side reenactment photo copyright Rocketeer, under cc
Tina figures she should be writing this stuff down. Oh, wait...she does! Think she's funny? Want more? Visit sendchocolate, her personal blog.
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