October, national breast cancer awareness month, is now behind us- and frankly not a minute too soon. I have pretty much had it up to here (my hand is super high in the air right now) with the dang PINK RIBBON. I get kinda ticked every time I see a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness. And that means I get ticked… a lot. Because they are putting pink ribbons on EVERYTHING. No wonder survival rates are improving every year. “Honey I am gonna take the dog for a walk with my pink ribbon leash, listening to my ipod from my pink ribbon arm holder, wearing my pink ribbon clogs right after I finish making the brownies with my pink ribbon spatula for the pink ribbon card game tonight!” 
{Inner voice: Oh Marcy. You are so going to hell for this post.}
Stick with me. I got my reasons…..My dad died of esophageal cancer, and there isn’t some giant-take-over-the-world group trying to raise money for THAT cancer. And my dad’s cancer? It has like only a 2% survival rate or something- which in this day and age is INSANE. Where the hell is the ribbon for that cancer? We need a dang ESOPHAGEAL ribbon. Not yellow, cuz that is used for Lance I-cheated-on-my -wife-but-I-survived-cancer-and-can-ride-a-bike-fast-so-people-think-I-am-a-saint Armstrong, and blue is for Prostate cancer. Hey how about ORANGE? It’s my favorite color. Yes, Orange ribbon’s it is. I will make up buttons too…”Wear your orange to support esophageal cancer!” Or maybe it should be “Wear your orange for the one of the cancers no one can spell without spell check”. I am gonna get right on that…just as soon as I make the T-shirts I promised my dad I would make: “CANCER SUCKS” but never did.
I am only not really but sorta kidding of course. I think fighting ANY form of cancer is a good thing. Cuz I figure after they wipe out breast cancer, they are gonna be sure to jump all over researching Esophageal cancer.
UPDATE: I discovered with my mad late researching skills shortly after finishing the post above that it turns out thanks to THIS SITE which lists all the ‘cancer colors’, I have now learned that Esophageal cancer already has a ’color’…and get this? It is Periwinkle Blue. Really? Periwinkle Blue? That is like the most ambiguous of all colors. If I wear a periwinkle ribbon I just know people are gonna come up to me and say “hmmm is that blue for Prostate Cancer? Or is that lavender for Gynecological Cancer? Or maybe it is blue for Thyroid cancer?” (yes, same as Prostate cancer. WTH?) And what is my favorite ORANGE already assigned to you ask?
Leukemia.
Click over and look at the list. Some of the ‘colors’ are pretty funny (well, funny in a cancer supporting kinda way) Like someone is trying to make it as HARD as possible to show your support. For example I give you Bone Cancer = white with a gold OUTLINE. An outline? Whoaaa there cancer color buddy- that is pretty tricky you know, for a RIBBON. And poor Lung Cancer…it is PEARL. I don’t even think they make ribbons in PEARL do they?
Its all too complicated.
I think I will just wear a rainbow ribbon.Oh crap. I think that makes me gay right?And on the upside, while researching this post I found the perfect t-shirt to wear to my son’s next baseball game..
Thaaaaat’s right.
“Save 2nd Base” with two big baseball’s over my ta-tas.
See? I totally care.
And I am not going to hell for this post.
God loves comedy.
I hope.
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